your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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