i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
