Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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