Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
