I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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