it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
