does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Green mimosas i think yes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
