The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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