12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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