all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
