Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
