At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
