Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
