Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
