Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
