I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
