I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
