Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
