I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She needs sedatives and a leash
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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