if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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