Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
