omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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