Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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