He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i now understand why vodka
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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