if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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