dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
