You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
