can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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