I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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