he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
