Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
