you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
