a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
