Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
