i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Randomize
