dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
