The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
