my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
