Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
