david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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