Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
