The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
