Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
