I am spending my child support on dildos
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
