somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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