I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and she was petting her beer can
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
