was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
