So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
