you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
