Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize