Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
