Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
