Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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