but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
