Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize