So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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