At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
