I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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