I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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