the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
