My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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