I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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