2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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