Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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