Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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