So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
