...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
