Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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