Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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