i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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