I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
