i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
