yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
